What if? Kyman edition!
by Iamgaytrash911
Summary: Bunch of What If's in South Park episodes-Kyle X Cartman edition!
1. What if-Imaginationlan 2

What If

Kyle never came back to life in Imagationland part II

"Kahl! Come on, buddy! Wake up!" I scream at the Jew, pounding my fists against his chest. "You've never walked away from anything in your life!" My eyes sting with tears. _Don't you dare cry over this pathetic Jew!_ My thoughts scream at me. _"_ Fight! FIGHT!" I scream.

I pound and pound my fists against his chest and nothing happens. His green eyes stare unfocused at the ceiling, bits of red hair matted to his forehead. He's sickingly pale. I can't imagine him never staring at me with fury in his eyes again. I can't. I need him! That fucking Manbearpig!

I breathe air into his gaping mouth. "Come on! Wake the fuck up!" A single tear sheds down my cheek. He's not coming back. He's...gone.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, kid..." the doctor mutters sympatheticly. I violently push off his hand.

"NO! He's not gone! He can't be! Kyle! KYLE!" I scream and bury my face into his chest. His wound is stool pouring with blood. "I'm sorry.." I repeat over and over.

If only...I told him how I felt. How am I going to go on? How can I go on without that high pitch voice screaming at me. Without these eyes-those beautiful green fucking eyes-staring into mine with rage.

I miss the way he would angrily tug at his crimson curls. I lied. I really did like his hair. I loved everything about it. I was in denial for so long about how I felt about the Jew.

"S-s-stupid fucking Jew...I love you.." I mumble into his chest.


	2. What if-Le Petit Tourette

What If

Kyle didn't stop Cartman from kissing him in 'Le Petit Tourette' ?

I smirked and stared at the Fatass. "Ha! Now you can't discriminate Jews on national television! Take that, Fatass!" I yell smugly. His face is shocked for a second. And then he cracks into a huge smile-not a smirk, an actual _smile!_

"Oh, thank you!" he exclaims.

"What?! But I beat you!"

"Thank you, Kyle!" he shouts, wrapping his arms around my waist. I blush but make no move to push him off. What the fuck is going on? He pulls away and keeps rambling on.

"Thank you! I love you, Babe!" Wait what?! Before I can speak he captures my lips in his. My eyes pop wide open. This can't be happening!

The thing I've been dreaming about is actually happening! He caresses my cheek with one hand and with the other he's gently holding the back of my head to keep my in place. I blush before melting into the kiss. He pulls away all too soon.

"C-Cartman..." I stutter. Before I can throw questions at him, he dances away screaming, "I've got a golden ticket!" Then the door slams shut.

I don't think I'll ever understand that Fatass.


	3. What if-Cartman Finds Love

What If

Cartman was serious when he sang 'I swear' to Kyle in 'Cartman Finds Love'?

"And I swear! By the moon and the stars in the sky...I'll be there. I swear, Kyle," the asshole sang. I blush furiously and sink into my chair. That motherfucker! Making everyone think I'm gay...well, OK, that may be true. I'm here with Nichole because I thought seeing a girl would confirm if I'm confused or not. The tightening in my pants as the Fatass sings says otherwise...

Suddenly the screen goes half, showing me on it. _No, no no!_ I sink further into my seat. Nichole gives me weird looks. As Cartman sings, a love heart appears over both of us. This is kind of sad...if it was real, I would be smiling. But it's fake..Cartman doesn't actually care about me. If he would sing to me like this and actually meant it would be sooo happy. Shit, I sound like Craig. The song ends.

"Hey, everybody! There's a batmobile outside!" Everybody races outside except for me, Nichole and Token. That heartless fucker...

"You're with Cartman?" Nichole asks.

"No! That fucker's the one who locked you and Token in the locker room!" I shout and storm out of there. I shake my head as tears prick my eyes. _It hurts to know he only did that to embarrass me. I wish he would just...uh! It's pointless!_

I slam the door behind me. I lower my head and walk, trying hard to keep the tears from spilling. I hear the doors burst open from behind me.

"KAHL! WAIT!" My heart sinks. I feel something grab my wrist and spin me around. It's Cartman. His hair is matted to his forehead with sweat and he's panting from trying to run to me. He doesn't release his hold on my wrist, probably afraid I'll run off. "Kahl..." he pants.

"What? Here to call me a fag? Here to laugh at me? Well, fuck off! You've embarrassed me enough..." my voice cracks. Shit. I feel vulnerable.

"Can I talk to you..?" he asks. I don't say anything, just stare at him in confusion. He takes my silence as a yes and gently pulls me back into the doors and in a private, shaded area. "Kahl.." he starts. He takes a deep breath and then looks at the ground. "I meant it..."

"W-what?"

"The song. A-at first I wanted you to stay out of the way of Nichole and Token because, y'know, blacks belong with blacks." I frown. "But...then, I saw you ask out Nichole and I just felt...jealous. So I sang that song to you..."

"Really?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"Yes, Jew.."

"Fatass..." I mutter, lifting his face gently with my hand. "..I love you.." I gently lock his lips with mine. He kisses back almost instantly, wrapping his arms around my waist. I wrap my other arm around his neck.

We eventually have to pull away for air.

"Love you too, Jew fag."


End file.
